Become an Irresistible Force
What makes you attractive? If you ask the average Compass reader, he’ll probably say “dressing well.” But wearing custom tailored suits is not the only way to up your attractiveness. We’ve compiled a list of things you can do to increase your draw.Of course, there are a lot of things you can do to make yourself more desirable. What makes these five things special is that you already do them. Now, you just have to do them more often.
Get More Haircuts
The average guy waits until he needs a haircut. The best looking guys get to the barber before their mane needs taming. That way, their hair doesn’t go through wild mood swings. They don’t go from freshly shorn to normal to shaggy. They stay in the haircut sweet spot. This means committing to getting your ass into the barber’s chair on a regular schedule, but the results are well worth it.
While we’re on the topic of regularly cutting hair, getting on a consistent shaving schedule is proactive too. A 2013 study showed that women find heavy (10-day growth) stubble and clean shaven equally physically attractive. Light (5-day growth) stubble scored lower in attractiveness.
Moral of the story: the half-assed “I’ll shave every couple of days” system won’t do you any favors in the attractiveness department, thus hurting your chances of getting anyone to do you favors in…ahem…other departments. Compass readers already know that we’ve got you covered whether you’re like the clean shaven look or you’re more of a beard guy.
And as long as we’re talking trimming, giving the rest of the body a once over to get rid of excess hair won’t hurt either. Waxing a hairy chest and/or back à la The 40-Year-Old Virgin (left) may be a little extreme, but a little manscaping never hurts and mowing down any stray hairs that try to make an escape from your nose and ears is a good idea. Just be sure to use the right tool for the job.
Shine your shoes more
It’s no secret that women pay attention to their own shoes. For some reason, many guys seem to think the ladies give men a pass when it comes to footwear. Those guys are mistaken. A 2013 survey commissioned by Allen Edmonds revealed just how important shoes can be to your overall presentation. (Note: We are well aware of the fact that a survey commissioned by a footwear brand is probably skewed, but even if you account for a bit of bias, the results are still worth a look.)
For starters, 64% of the women judged a man’s fashion sense by his shoes. Perhaps more tellingly, 52% of women said they judged a man’s personality by his shoes. What?! That’s right, women are checking out your kicks and deciding whether they think you’re a douche before you even say a word. Keep your shoes looking sharp. Shine your shoes regularly.
Wear More Suits
You don’t have to go all-out in a three-piece, pinstripe getup for all occasions, but dressing professionally will definitely improve your attractiveness. Why? For one, you’ll feel more confident (one of the most attractive traits in a man) in a suit. According to a survey conducted by a major suit maker, 92% of men said a suit makes a good first impression in professional situations. More importantly, 86% of men think that when a man wears a suit, he makes a good first impression in social situations, such as dates or parties.
Justin is wearing the Highbridge Charcoal Houndstooth Custom Suit
Orfeus is wearing the Flatiron Blue Fine Check Custom Blazer
Okay, so perhaps you’re skeptical about research coming out of a suit maker. But consider the study published in The Journal of Psychology in which women were asked whether they would engage in any type of relationship with a man (ranging from having coffee with a guy to marrying him) based on his looks. The men were dressed in a variety of outfits, including suits. The men who were dressed in suits consistently scored higher than the other guys when every other factor was equal. In other words, clothes may not make the man, but they certainly make an impression.
Hold More Doors
Chivalry is not dead it’s just largely forgotten. When it comes to chivalry a lot of men worry about coming off like a chauvinist. Those fears are unfounded. A 2013 British study found that more than four in five modern women welcome a man holding the door open for them and nearly two-thirds want a man to hold out a chair for them.
You don’t need to go around laying your coat down on puddles so that women may step across but you can always work on your gentlemanliness. Try something simple like opening a car door for your date. It might be a first for you, and it’ll likely be a first for her too. That puts you in a whole different class than other would-be suitors.
Read More
Looks are great, but having something interesting to say will go a long way. Having a lifetime of rich experiences to draw on like that guy in the Dos Equis commercials is one way to be interesting. The rest of us will have to settle for an easier way of building up our reserves of interesting conversation, reading.
You don’t have to read the classics of English literature. Just set aside a few minutes a day to reading something besides the scrolling ticker at the bottom of SportsCenter and work emails. Peruse a well-written magazine like The New Yorker until a headline grabs your attention. Read one article and you’ll feel like your IQ just rose 100 points.
BE MORE
No one thing on this list will make you irresistible, but if you do a little more of everything on this list, you’re bound to see results. Doing these things will not only help you look better but feel better and be better. A guy who’s committed to being better? That’s attractive.
The Challenge:
Try doing these things more often for one week and tell us if you notice a difference in the comments below.
31 commentsWrite a comment
Hoilman says:
Aug 18, 2020
Thanks for sharing this excellent post. Very interesting ideas! (as always, btw)
How To Wear a Suit (And Other Lessons Dads Teach Us) says:
Jun 17, 2016
[…] For one, chivalry isn’t dead. Hold a door, for crying out loud. As we highlighted in our story on five ways to become more attractive, a guy can be dressed to the nines and still look like a douche if he can’t be bothered to do […]
MIHAIL says:
Mar 13, 2016
YES OF COURSE … BECAUSE THEY ARE THE THINGS I WANT TO BE attract…. AND LADY LOVE GENTLEMAN
Black Lapel says:
Mar 14, 2016
Well, you aren’t wrong about ladies loving gentlemen. We’re happy to have shown you the light, Mihail. Keep amping up your attractiveness so the ladies keep loving you.
James says:
Mar 3, 2015
Absolutely correct on the gentlemen’s gestures. For a simple start TRAIN yourself to open doors every time. (Granted being raised by a single mom might make me biased, but the lessons have served me well.) It should be reflex habit. Here’s why:
1. If its habit, its natural. This means that when you find yourself out on a date, reaching for her door will be natural. It won’t be an awkward fumbling gesture or unsure “do it? don’t I?” hesitant that just comes off poorly. It will be confidently and without overthought.
2. You will be different. Sad fact, too many guys are not doing things like this. The fact that you understand and still observe what might be considered “old traditional” manners will go far. The fact that you treat her like a “lady” will go further. Such a small gesture, done as second nature, will immediately label you as “different”. Read: mature, respectful.
3. If you do it all the time, every time, you will do it for everyone. Opening doors, holding chairs for her shows you respect and value her. Doing so for strangers shows that you respect women in general and are generally kind to random people. All of this looks good. (and is genuinely the way to be anyways)
Add ons: If you have arrived before her, when she shows up ALWAYS stand up to greet her. Let her sit before you do. Its minor and obscure, but it is noticed.
Black Lapel says:
Mar 6, 2015
Your additions to this list are very relevant, James, and we’re all about looking good in every aspect of a gentleman’s life. We encourage all to practice these gestures until they do indeed become natural habits.
Jeremy says:
Jan 7, 2015
I appreciate the pic for #4 shows a proper method of holding the door open as a gentlemen. I have never lost that notion to always allow ladies first and to hold the door open, I still get the door(car or building) for my wife of nearly 10 years. However I have lost touch in doing it as a gentlemen and sometimes propping it with my rear end, forgot to mention our three kids, but I’ll definitely get back on this. It plays into the theme of the article, if you’re going to do something, do it right and proper!
The Compass could never steer you in the wrong direction!
And yes, nice clean shoes…don’t second guess that ever.
Black Lapel says:
Jan 17, 2015
Glad you picked up on the door holding technique. Doing it the old-fashioned way will definitely set you apart.
Also, it’s great to hear that a married father of three is paying attention to these tips. Let this be a lesson to all of the single guys out there. Don’t take your foot off the gas when you get married. Being attractive to strangers is great, but being attractive to your spouse, after years of being together, is something we all might aspire to.
Matthew says:
Dec 10, 2014
Quite a good post you maintain. Have been in a job position where i had to do more manual works. Had been a fan of polished shoes and nice fitted shirts, but could only use them on private occassions (probably once a month). Luckily i worked myself upwards and now My shoes are always shine, shirt and pants ironed, Cut My hair and shave regularly and still studying hard to move upwards. Great job guys, now i feel smart.
Black Lapel says:
Dec 11, 2014
Thanks, Matthew. We’re here to help.
Keep at it. These little things lead to big rewards.
Gene says:
Nov 19, 2014
Believe this or not. My neighbor caught me sitting on my porch shining up some shoes. He asked me if I would shine his. I responded, that he should bring over a couple of pairs so I could show him how to do it. ( Over the years, I’ve become quite good at it.) I taught him how I did it. It’s not too time consuming — I explained, once he got good the hang of it, he could probably do this while watching TV at home.
Soon thereafter, he told me he had received a raise at work, and his boss also complimented him for representing his company so professionally. The human resources manager, a woman, said to him later, the office staff saw him as an example of how to dress and maintain a professional outlook with his highly polished shoes.
My neighbor now is an avid reader of your blogs. Yes, I told him about BlackLapel.com He is now a follower as am I.
Black Lapel says:
Nov 20, 2014
This is a great story, Gene. First off, shining shoes and chilling on porches are two of our favorite hobbies, so you had us right away. Then the part about passing on the knowledge is fantastic. You didn’t give the man a fish, you gave him fishing lessons and look how it changed his life.
This is the epitome of what we’re trying to do at Black Lapel. We want men to dress better, live better and be better. Sounds like you and your neighbor hit all three notes. Good on you!
Brian says:
Oct 15, 2014
I really love this piece, so informative and well written though I must admit that at times, some of these tips have worked against me(hard to believe, I know): for instance I love to dress up just about all the time, chivalry is just part of my social etiquette and I love to read classical literature and as a result I’ve often been accused of being a ‘snob’. I mean can’t help the fact that I like the preppy look and enjoy a good read from Dickens, Barret Browning, Wilde or even Jane Austen
Black Lapel says:
Oct 16, 2014
Good point, Brian. The trick is humility. (This is not to say that you aren’t humble, but we’ll use your comment to illustrate the point.) The advice above should come with a warning: never, under any circumstances, advertise the fact that you do any of the things above. That will get you accused of being a snob.
Case in point: reading expands the mind and, in turn, can make you more attractive. Dropping names of authors to show how well read you are, on the other hand, can make you seem pompous. Thankfully, an air of mystery is another thing that can make a man attractive. So holding a little back can actually help you. While an unsolicited list of authors you’ve read might get you labeled a snob, quoting a particularly apt passage when the opportunity presents itself will engage and attract.
FitJackets says:
Aug 27, 2014
wow simply dash 🙂
Ocasio says:
Aug 6, 2014
I love 3 and 5. Looking good and being knowledgeable. Two great combinations.
Black Lapel says:
Aug 6, 2014
That’s the thing about this list, Ocasio, as you add these habits to your life your attractiveness grows exponentially. (At least that’s what we’ve heard from the ladies.)
Outfit Ideas says:
Jul 31, 2014
#4 is definitely spot on. I know from a lady’s point of view, we find it very attractive when guys hold open doors for ladies. It’s a gentleman sign that they’re willing to put you first, which is very attractive.
Black Lapel says:
Aug 1, 2014
Thanks for the backup.
You heard the lady, gents!
David says:
Jul 31, 2014
Step 1: Be Attractive
These guys in the picture are really good looking. I’ve gained 20lbs and nothing I do seems to drop the weight (I’m going running 3 times a week, yoga twice a week, eating relatively healthy).
But it’s all right because my gf loves me for #5. I went from reading a book every month to 3 books a month.
Black Lapel says:
Aug 1, 2014
Don’t fret too much, David. Just about everybody’s got work to do in all of these departments.
Sounds like you’re knocking it out of the park on the reading. Check out our Measure Up advice for more ideas on the fitness front.
Xavier says:
Jul 29, 2014
I feel the tip about wearing more suits is a little bias comming from you guys but I’m not complaining; I love wearing suits.
Black Lapel says:
Jul 29, 2014
Like you, we love to put on a suit. So, yeah, we’re probably biased. Though, that Journal of Psychology study we mentioned above shows that a lot of women share our bias when it comes to sizing up a man in a suit.
Ryan P. Carey says:
Jul 25, 2014
Great stuff Black Lapel. I already do all of this but it’s great to get it out there! All of these tips really resonated with me and reinforced why i am as successful as i am with women. Keep pushing out all the good information, it’s appreciated!
Black Lapel says:
Jul 26, 2014
We’ll keep it up. Meanwhile, in the words of Nas, “play on playa.”
Nathaniel says:
Jul 25, 2014
Thanks for adding #5. Often, so much more time is invested in how we are perceived by the world as opposed to how we actually are.
Black Lapel says:
Jul 26, 2014
Glad you appreciated #5. While we focus a good deal of attention on looks, that’s only one aspect of what makes a man (and what makes him attractive).
Eric S. says:
Jul 25, 2014
I especially like tips # 2 & 3. I’ve always known that women judge men by their shoes and watch; and I for one will certainly be wearing more suits for sure. Thanks for the tips guys!
Black Lapel says:
Jul 25, 2014
Here’s to good habits, Eric. And you make a great point about watches. A watch can tell a lot more than time. It can tell a whole story about the wearer.
James says:
Mar 3, 2015
Agreed, though I’ve heard and adopted an interesting view on watches. When NOT to wear a watch. I picked this old custom up from the guys over at Art of Manliness and I like the gesture, as dated as it may be. For birthday parties, weddings or similar occasions, consider going without a watch at all.
A watch does say a lot about the wearer. For major celebratory occasions like a wedding, the gesture of NOT wearing a watch was meant to say, “I am here to share in your occasion. My time today is set aside for you, I have nowhere else I’ve scheduled to be.”
Black Lapel says:
Mar 6, 2015
Yes, it is a bit of a dated concept, but it’s the thought that counts, right James.
Of course, a classic timepiece will never go out of style and can really cap off your look, so we won’t knock anybody for wearing one to a celebration. But we will caution those who do, that just because you are wearing a watch doesn’t make it okay to keep checking it every two minutes. This rule goes double for those who forego watches for, groan, their smartphones. A little bit of decorum goes a long way.